What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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