I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
