I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
