Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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