Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
