Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
