She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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