Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i came on her dog
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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