i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
