i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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