sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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