Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
