why didn't you poke me back
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
