their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
