you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
