his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
