His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
