dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
