you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize