found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
