im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize