Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize