hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
