I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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