So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
