If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
