They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
