She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
