I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
