Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
