dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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