at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
