I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
