just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize