wakey wakey hands off snakey
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
