I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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