Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
