I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
