woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
