i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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