He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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