When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So apparently I’m into choking now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize