I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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