2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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