I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
