You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
