If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When are your genitals available?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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