Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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