i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
