How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
