so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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