Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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