wrigley field is MILF paradise
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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