I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
