I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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