Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Found the puke drawer
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
