guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I would ride that face into the sunset
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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