nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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