so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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