I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
