p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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