So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
