its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
