I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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