my mouth tastes like poor choices
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
