even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
