11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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