Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
