planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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