I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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