U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize