I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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