its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
